JOKES - Mental Hospital call menu

"Hello and thank you for calling Tanjung Rambutan Mental Hospital.




Please select from the following menu options:



If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.



If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.



If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.



If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on

the line so we can trace your call.



If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to

the MotherShip.



If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will

tell you which number to press.



If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you

press, nothing will make you happy anyway.



If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.



If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before

the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.



If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term

memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.



If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too

busy to talk with you.



If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,

lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.



If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.”