Friday, October 30, 2009

JOKES - Vital question

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a four hour operation.

A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown,holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask and says slowly, "That was very nice but listen very, very closely! ARE. MY.TEST.RESULTS.BACK"

JOKES - Wife should angry or not?

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children!

I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'

‘If you must,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I notice d that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Broadband war - Streamyx vs P1 Wimax who will win?

Ok you guy should be familiar with this P1 advertisement "sudah potong"? LOL this ads is really so great and did affect alot on Streamyx.

Now Streamyx is angry and decide to strike back.


LOL, Streamyx will not lose too. They make some excellent comeback with this ads. Yeah you have to find a good spot to place your modem if you are using wireless. And the main point of this ads is , this uncle 80% look like P1 Wimax CEO Michael Lai

P1 Wimax CEO Michale Lai
Hahahaha Streamyx got some good strategy here to strike back on P1 Wimax
Hmmm Let see now how will P1 Wimax make a comeback.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Lockerz who want to join?

Anyone interested to join? This is a invite-only site. After u register be member u can earn point to redeem prize like PSP, Iphone ,PS3, XBOX, branded handbag and alot alot more. Everyday u login u earn 2 point , you answer their question u earn 2 point. You invite friend u can earn 2 point , after get all this point to redeem prize like below :

HP laptop - 800 pointz

Apple iphone - 800 pointz

PSP Go Black - 675 pointz

Xbox 360 - 675 pointz

PS3 - 625 pointz

Amazon Egift card 300euro - 500 ptz

DSC-W220/P Sony Cybershot - Pink - 500 ptz

and alot alot more ...... . If you interested to join pls email back me and i will invite you. Thanks

News - Baby born on plane named after AirAsia

Baby born on plane named after AirAsia

SEPANG: The baby boy, who created national headlines when he was born on an AirAsia plane, has been named Asia Liew Ya Hang.

His mother Liew Siaw Hsia said the Chinese name ‘Ya Hang’ means ‘AirAsia’ in Mandarin.

“It’s the best name I can give my son who was the first baby born on the airline’s plane,” she said in a statement yesterday.

The mother and baby are currently at the Putrajaya Hospital.

Asia Liew Ya Hang was safely delivered on board Flight AK 6506 on Oct 21 when the aircraft was about 800m in the air.

The flight from Penang to Kuching was diverted to the low-cost carrier terminal here when Liew went into premature labour.

The airline has presented Liew and the baby free flight tickets for life to celebrate the birth.

NEWS - Property gains tax makes comeback

THE Government has proposed to reimpose real property gains tax (RPGT) for gains arising from property disposal.
Based on the Finance Bill, disposal within two years of acquisition will be taxed 30%; in the third year, it will be 20%; in the fourth year 15%, while disposal within five years and beyond will still be subject to 5% tax.
The latest measure, which will come into effect in January next year, has been described as “a knock-out punch” by Deloitte Malaysia country tax leader, Ronnie Lim.
“It was merely four short sentences in the 2010 Budget speech. However, that short reference to RPGT carried a knock-out punch,” Lim said in a statement yesterday.
He pointed out that from the speech itself, many would have thought that a low rate of tax of 5% would apply to most gains arising from disposals of real property.
“Be prepared for a shock – this is not the case and the highest rate of RPGT will be 30%,” he said.
Most rates of RPGT from January 2010 will be restored to those prevailing immediately before its suspension in April 2007.
Lim said one notable difference was that the exemption from tax for disposals after the fifth year of acquisition has been removed.
“Even where a property was purchased over 20 years ago, a gain on disposal from 2010 will attract 5% RPGT (without any indexation of acquisition price to reflect current purchasing power of the ringgit),” he said, adding that a flurry of property transactions could be expected soon.
Concurring with Lim, OCBC Bank Bhd director and chief executive officer Jeffrey Chew described the measure as a counter-productive move in efforts to encourage property investments among local and foreign investors, particularly to attract real estate investment trust investors.
“Furthermore, this would make Malaysia’s property market less attractive compared to other neighbouring countries in the region despite our property prices being among the lowest in the region,” Chew said.
However, Khong & Jaafar Sdn Bhd managing director Elvin Fernandez gave the thumbs up to the RPGT, saying “it shows that Malaysia, like other Asian countries, is not for unfettered speculation.”
“The RPGT is an anti-speculative tool, not a revenue earner for Government coffers,” he added.
To promote home ownership and enhance the people’s quality of life, the Government has also proposed a scheme to allow Employees Provident Fund (EPF) contributors to utilise their current and future savings in Account 2 for home purchase.
Meanwhile, to encourage green technology in the property sector, building owners obtaining Green Building Index (GBI) Certificates from Oct 24 until Dec 31 will be given income tax exemption equivalent to the additional capital expenditure in obtaining such certificates.
Those purchasing buildings with GBI certificates from developers will be given stamp duty exemption on instruments of transfer of ownership.
The exemption amount is equivalent to the additional cost incurred in obtaining the GBI certificates. This exemption is given to buyers who execute the sale and purchase agreement from Oct 24 until Dec 31, 2014.
And to promote rehabilitation of abandoned housing projects, the Government will consider extending appropriate financial assistance to rehabilitate low and medium-cost houses based on the existing project list.
An allocation of RM200mil will be provided under the housing and local government ministry.
Under the Government’s initiative to provide housing facilities for the low and middle-income groups, the National Housing Department will provide 74,000 low-cost houses to be rented in 2010.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

JOKES - Trick to apply leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker asked me what I was doing.
I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked 'What are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker followed me out, the Boss asked him 'And where do you think you're going?'

He said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark.'

JOKES - Make her feel like a woman

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?"

She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?" Eagerly, she shakes her head and exclaims, "Yes!" The man hands her his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."

JOKES - Drunk Man

A drunken old man walked into a bar. He yells at the bartender, "Bartender get me a tequila!" The bartender gets him a tequila.

The old man drinks it as fast as he can.

Then he looks around the bar and sees three large men at a table having some beers.

He points at one of them and says "You! I have slept with your mother!" The man looks at the old man then goes about drinking his beer.

Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!"

The bartender gets him another tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can.

Then he looks over at the three men. He points at another man and shouts

"You! Your mother gives me a blow job!"

The second man looks at the old man, then goes about drinking his beer.

Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!"

This time the bartender says "No, old man, you have had enough."

"Just one more!!" yells the old man.

So the bartender gets him one more tequila.

The old man drinks it as fast as he can.

Then looks at the three men. He points at the third man and shouts

"You! I eat out your mother!" The third man looks at the old man then looks at the other two men.

All three of them get up and start walking over to the old man.

Then they say "Come on dad, you have had too much to drink..."

JOKES - The Genie

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and a magical genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.." The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a Chinaman! Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand. As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own reflection. Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained " Are you deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become a Chinaman!" I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat, lie and con their way to become rich..." The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish "What do you want then, Muthu?" To which Muthu quickly replied " I just want to be rich and I don't want to work!" Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

JOKES - Malaysian in Space

Malaysian in Space

Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only  asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained  Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

Friday, October 23, 2009

VIDEO - Sing song to order McD

JOKES - $10,000 dollar breast

A little old man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000 dollars?!"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars...; Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"Nah," says the little old man ... "Costs too much!"

JOKES - Tiger wood

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"


"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

JOKES - What is politic?

A little boy looks up at his father and asks, “Dad, what’s politics?”

Dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it to you this way.” I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me “Capitalism.” Your Mom is the administrator of the household, so we’ll call her “The Government.” We’re here to take care of your needs so we’ll call you “The People.” The nanny works hard all day for very little money so, we’ll consider her “The Working Class.” And your baby brother… we’ll call him “The Future.”

Now, think about that and see if it makes sense. So, the little boy goes off to bed, thinking about what his Dad has said. Later that night he hears his baby brother crying so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks through the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words, what you think politics is about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future stinks.

JOKES - Human is realistic

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you?

I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man

with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl, and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f uck her again."

VIDEO - If I have 100mbps

JOKES - Sex is.....

Sex is...

"Duty", if done with your wife

"Art", if done with your lover

"Education", if done with a virgin

"Business Trasaction", if done with a prostitute

"Social Work", if done with a divorcee

"Charity", if done with a widow, and

"Pity", if done with your own hand

Thursday, October 22, 2009

JOKES - Mental Hospital call menu

"Hello and thank you for calling Tanjung Rambutan Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following menu options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on

the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to

the MotherShip.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will

tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you

press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before

the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term

memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too

busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,

lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.”

Jokes - Type writer

A husband and wife decided they needed to use ‘code’ to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, ‘Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter’.

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, ‘Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.’

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, ‘Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.’

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, ‘Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.’

Jokes - Why We Use English for IT?

Why Malaysian Government insists on using English for math and science?

This is because the whole world uses the language as an information and/or technology language. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa, especially in school. See example below:-

Hardware = barangkeras

Software = baranglembut

Joystick =

batang gembira

Plug and Play =

cucuk dan main

Port =


Server =


Client =


Try to translate this:


That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.

Now in BAHASA:

Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan..

Now you know...WHY...

Joke - Ouchhh

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, ‘Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot.

Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party.’

The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, ‘This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night.

Let me know how it goes.’

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy waiting for him on the door-step.

The pharmacist says, ‘What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?’

The guy replies, ‘Quick, I need Blue Ice (muscle pain relief).

The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, ‘Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis.

The skin is way too sensitive.’

The guy says, ‘No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm.’

Pharmacist: ‘What?? What happened?’

Guy replies, ‘Well.I drank the whole bottle of your potion.’

Pharmacist: ‘Oh my god, and then what ? ‘

‘The girls never showed up!’

Jokes - Don't simply kick

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

Jokes - A Daddy's Phone Call

A Daddy's Phone Call

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**


**'Hi honey.**

**This is Daddy.**

**Is Mommy near the phone?'**

**'No, Daddy.**

**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**

**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**

**'Oh yes I do, he comes when you are not home and **

** Mommy told me to call him Uncle Paul **

**and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy,**

**Right now..'**

Brief Pause..

**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**

**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**

**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**

**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway..'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**

**A few minutes later**

**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **

**'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on **

** and ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**

**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about the Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**

**And dived into the swimming pool.**

**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**

**Last week to clean the pool.**

**He hit the bottom of the pool with a big splat... and I think he's dead.'**

****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**

**'Swimming pool? ...........**

**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, I think you have the wrong number........*

Jokes - Ouch , pity the cat meOwww

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck,"' the firefighter said with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then wouldn't have a siren."

JOKES - Typical Malaysian

What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian?

1. A typical young Malaysian can name all the players from a top
English Premier League club, but ask him to name one football player
from Malaysia, he cannot!

2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis
 Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When
 WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say
StreamyX still the best lah.

 3. When highway toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price
 increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO

 4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk
 very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and
there's SALE, run from one end of 1Utama to the other, that one NO

5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is
 either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or © cannot find parking.

6. You have a parent who forces you to take science stream in high
school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you
to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.....

7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when
speaking to an American / British / Australian.

8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud
Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend
ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a
protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by

9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below
queuing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the

11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.

12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the


13. When an angmoh stranger kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you

 very happy. When a Malaysian guy kisses you on the cheek to say hello,

you slap him in face.

JOKES - My dream girl

When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.

At 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion.

So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide so I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

I found a very stable girl, but she was boring, totally predictable and never 4got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now all I want is a girl with large breasts.

JOKES - Bill Gate

As soon as Bill Gate passed away,his soul transported to a junction between Hell and utter confusion he heard God's voice

God : Bill Gates, your Microsoft product has brought many good things to humankind but also evil things. As that happens I gave you chance to choose whether to go to Heaven or the Hell

Bill Gates: Wow, I can choose? can i have a preview?

So God, with His mighty power show him what heavens like..

Bill Gates : God, it is so lame, all i can see is that a woman and man wearing white clothes and a white background, me Hell!!!

So God, give him preview on what hell looks like. To Bill surprises, he can see a dozens of beautiful skimpy clad bikini chicks on the beach,with a beautiful sea shore and blue oceans...

Without hesitations, He want God to sent him straight to Hell...

Reappearing in Hell, He gets a shocked for all eternity when he saw flames everywhere and souls get tormented

Bill Gates : God,what happen to all the skimpy bikini chicks and the blue ocean?

God: Oh sorry, i left the screen saver open...

JOKES - A boy first condom

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package, and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb.. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse, and removed it. She un-hooked her bra, and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck, that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back, and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and with a smile, held up my thumb, to show her.

Tricky math

3 ppl go stay hotel

tauke say rm300

so each ppl pay rm100

then tauke give discount

room rm250 only

tauke ask bell boy give them back rm50

bell boy take rm20 masuk pocket

so they 3 ppl get rm30

so each ppl get rm10

mean every 1 out rm90  (rm100 - rm10)

rm90*3+bell boy rm20=290

where is the balance RM10?

Mountain Story

Mountain Story

"A son and his father were walking on the mountains.

Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"

He receives the answer: "Who are you?"

And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"

The voice answers: "I admire you!"

Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"

He receives the answer: "Coward!"

He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"

The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."

Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"

The voice answers: "You are a champion!"

The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.

It gives you back everything you say or do.

Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.

If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.

If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.

This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;

Life will give you back everything you have given to it."


Smart kids

Subject: 5th Grade!!!

First-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her

students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in third-grade too!" The

teacher had enough. She took Harry to the Principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he

agreed to take the test.

Principal : "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry : "9"

Principal : "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry : "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a

third-grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets".

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide

and before he could stop the answer....)

Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and


Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting

down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and

before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands".

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to

get me up.

I get wet before you do."

Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're

bored. The best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip.

When you blow me, you feel good."

Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come

with a quiver."

Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that

means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

"Put this ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."

Untiring Love

This is a true story that happened in Japan.

In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity, and at the same time he was curious. When he checked the nail, turns out, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.

What happened?

The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.

Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...

Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...

What can love do?

It can do wonders!

Love can do miracles!

Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one

untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.

If a small creature like a lizard can love like this... just imagine how we can love if we try

God create living creature

Our Life Cycle goes like this :-

On the first day of the world, God created the cow.

He told the cow 'Ah Gu today I have created you. Your job is to go to

the field and help the farmer all day long. you will provide the energy to

pull things etc. And you will also provide milk for people to drink. All

day long you will toil under the sun. In return you will only eat grass.

For that life, you will have a life span of 50 years'. Ah Gu objected. 'What

I work all day in the sun and get to eat grass only and I have to provide milk away.

This is tough and you want me to live 50 years. Tell you what, i'll take 20 years

and you can take back the 30 years'. God agreed.

On the 2nd day, God created the dog. He said to the dog "Ah Kow, I have

created you for a purpose'. 'What is that' asked Ah Kow. 'Your duty is to sit all

day by the door of your master. Should anyone come by, you are to bark at them.

In return, you shall eat your master's left-overs. I'll give you a life span of 20 years,

God said.

Ah Kow like the cow objected and said to God 'What! I have to sit all day long by

the door and need to bark at people and what do I get ....LEFTOVERS. This isn't

right' said the dog and he continued 'I'll just take 10 and you can keep the remaining

10 years' God agreed again.

On the third day, God created the monkey and he told the monkey 'Low Kao, your

job is to entertain people. you shall make them laugh with your antics of acting

stupid and making faces. You will also do summersaults and swing on trees to amaze

them. In return you get to eat bananas and peanuts. For that life, I'll give you 20

years. Isn't that good? asked God.

Naturally the monkey objected replying 'God, this is just ridiculous. I gotta to make

funny faces to make people laugh and let's not even come to the part about the trees

and somersaults. Tell you what I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence

and I'll take 10 only. What do you think?' God agreed again.

Then on the fourth day, God created humans and he said to the man 'You are my best

piece of work and all you need to do is sleep, eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again

and do nothing else. You get to eat all the best things and play with the best toys. All

you have to do is enjoy your life.

For this kind of privilege, I'll give you 20 years. Man objected and said, 'What! all I need to

do is relax and enjoy myself and I only have 20 years to live. Quite a lousy deal, tell you

what - since you have 30 years from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah Kow plus another 10 from

Lao Kao and you probably do not know what to do with all those years. Why not I take

them all and I'll have 70 years to live?'

God being such good natured, agreed with a smile.


We eat, sleep, play and enjoy life for the first 20 years of our lives when we

are growing up

We work like a cow for the next 30 years to raise our family.

Sit outside and bark at people for the next 10 years when we are retired.

And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our

grand-children for the final 10 years.

Malaysia Poem

Can study continue STUDY
Can't study, work FACTORY
Cannot rely on CHARITY

Earn a little SALARY
Just enough 4 daily ROTI
Go work no WIRA but LRT.

Colleagues formerly FRIENDLY
Daily treated to KOPI
Now gradually get CRAZY
Behind me say I LAZY.

Boss has no SYMPATHY
Work always must HURRY
Say I not enough BUSY
Often ask me do OT

Midnight go back by TAXI
Now i pokai and NO MORE MONEY
Borrow from AhLong kena EXTRA FEE
Coz money is never FREE

Boy/girl-friend go STEADY
Serious, and then MARRY
Ceremony and PARTY
joker-friends give PANTY
No money sure no HONEY

10 months later be DADDY
Wife at GH birth a BABY

Monthly pay back RHB
Earn not enough FEEL GUILTY
Jump down suicide and MATI
No money 4 funeral how to BURY
Go see God every thing hoping will JADI

JOKES - Let us sing the Hokkien Poem

Children is kina kia

Bird is chiao kia

Korean Car is Kia

Give birth is seh kia

Furniture is Ikea

Police is mata kia

Small house is chu kia

Country name is Czechoslovakia

Puppy is kao kia

Kitten is ngiao kia

Chicken is kuey kia

Pig is tu kia

H/phone is nokia

I'm Hokkien kia,

Malay is huan kia

Hindu is kit leng kia

Kuai lou is ang mo kia

Chinese is t'ng lang kia

Japanese is jit pun kia

Bad Guy is phai kia

Good Guy is ho kia




Person who read this message is Gong Kia

If you laugh, you are Siow Kia

GSCE 'O' Levels Hokkien Exam Paper


1. Read the passage carefully

2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.

3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !

Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)


Singalella why become rich ?

Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.

She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.

Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.

Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao.

If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.

Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.

CPF poon boh.

But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.

So he say, "oeh, long chong lai ah."

Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say, "Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard."

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.

Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai.

That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee.

Her neighbour came over and ask, "Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?"

So Singaalella kong, "I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian."

She never expect but the neighbour say, "Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money."

So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different.

She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.

At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.

Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.

Just as Ah Ming told himself, "Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat", Singalella came in.

Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.

"Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai."

Ah Ming say to Singalella, "eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!"

Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.

But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.

He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.

So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.

So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.

Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.

Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.

Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.

A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.

zhia lat

E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.

leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean

F9. Don't understand rating.

kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?

JOKES - What is the different between wife and gf?

Wife is a HARIMAU, girlfriend is HARI HARI MAU

And some say: Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like handphone (HP)

At home watch TV, go out bring HP.

No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.

Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.

TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but hand phone is cute, slim,

curvy and very portable at any time.

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable, but for HP is high and often demanding

Jokes and the Moral

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Brilliant conversation about Atheist & God

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has With GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor: You are a Christian, aren't you, son?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Professor: Is GOD Good?

Student: Sure.

Professor: Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL?

Student: Yes.

Professor: My Brother died of Cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent)

Professor: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Professor: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From . . . GOD . . .

Professor: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Professor: So who created evil?

(Student did not answer)

Professor: Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who Created them?

(Student ha d no answer)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Professor: Yet you still Believe in HIM?

Student: Yes.

Professor: According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student: No, sir. There isn't..

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,

a Little Heat or No Heat.

But we don't have anything called Cold.

We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.

There is no such thing as Cold.

Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.

We cannot Measure Cold.

Heat is Energy.

Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre)

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?

Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something

You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?

Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.

Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it

Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?

Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,

Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?

Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class was in Uproar)

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

(The Class broke out into Laughter)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .

No one appears to have done so.

So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !

The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.

That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

Touching love story

Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this world.

Jasmine: I think so.. All of my friends have boyfriends & we are the only 2


left in this world without any special someone in our lives.

Daniel: Yup! I don't know what to do.

Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game.

Daniel: What game?

Jasmine: I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days & you will be my boyfriend.

Daniel: That's a great plan in fact, I don't have anything to do for the

following weeks..

DAY 1:

They watched their first movie together & were both touched in the romantic film.

DAY 4:

They went to the beach & had a picnic... Daniel & Jasmine had their quality time together.

DAY 12:

Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they went to a Horror House.. Jasmine was scared

and she tried to touch Daniel's hand but by accident she touched someone else's and they both laughed..

DAY 14:

They saw a fortune teller down the road and asked for their future. The

fortune teller said: 'My darlings, please don't waste the time of your lives... spend your time together happily.' Then tears flow from the teller's eyes.

DAY 20:

Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor... Jasmine mumbled something.

DAY 28:

They rode on a bus and because of the bumpy road, Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident.

DAY 29:

11:37 pm

Daniel & Jasmine were sitting in the park where they first decided to play this game...

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine... do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one.. I'll just go down the road..

Jasmine: Apple juice would be fine,thanks.

Daniel: Wait for me...

20 minutes later... a stranger approached Jasmine.

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?

Jasmine: Yes, why? What happened?

Stranger: A reckless drunken driver ran over Daniel & he is critical in the hospital.


The doctor came out from the emergency room & handed out an apple juice & a letter to Jasmine.

Doctor: We found this in Daniel's pocket.

Jasmine read the letter which says:

Jasmine, this past few days, I realized you are really a cute girl & I am falling for you.. your cherished smile, your everything when we played this game.. & before this game ends, I would like you to be my girlfriend for the rest of my

life. I love you, Jasmine...

Jasmine crumples the paper & shouted..

'Daniel! I don't want you to die...I love you... Remember that night we saw a meteor? I mumbled something.. I wished that we would be together forever & never end this game. Please don't leave me, Daniel... I love you, you cannot do this to me

Then the clock strikes 12

Daniel's heart stop pumping



Always love your loved ones & show them how you feel before it's too late.. You will never know when they will be gone from your embrace.. If you were given a time to bestow petals of

everlasting compassion & love to your love ones, today is the day. Love them while they are still here...

JOKES - Potong Zakar Hehe

Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ....

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aah... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha .... saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers).

Apek: Chee sin punya olang......gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau..

Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang..

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la.....kasi susa saja.. BUKAN POTONG ZAKA LA..... PROTON SAGA........lah

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