Monday, March 22, 2010

JOKES - Tiger wood

JOKES - Prostitute Parrot

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"'

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots. I have taught them to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!"

JOKES - Saudi Prince

Saudi Prince goes to Germany to study.

A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:

"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,

but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school

with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."

Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a 1 billion dollar check saying:

"Stop embarrassing us!

go and get yourself a train too!"

JOKES - A case for the FBI

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.


"Hello, is this FBI?"

"Yes, What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom's house.

"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"


"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yeah they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Monday, March 15, 2010

NEWS - Malaysian hidden billionaire?

Interestingly, in the just released Forbes List of the World’s Richest, it was reported that Malaysia has the most number of billionaires in South-East Asia.

So there must certainly be even more millionaires in the country.

The taxman certainly knows who they are – but is still trying to persuade a number of them to settle their dues.

I wonder if they have made much progress with the top defaulter, a millionaire from Penang who supposedly owes the Inland Revenue Board more than RM36mil.

Actually, when we already have a good number of billionaires in our midst, becoming a millionaire seems to be much less elusive
Malaysia got so many hidden billionaire ??

Sunday, March 14, 2010

NEWS - Girl post Advert finding BF, Thousand of men invade

So many men... Thousands answer Chinese college girl's plea for a boyfriend

By Mail Foreign Service

She was probably hoping at least one, possible two, might respond.

But when a Chinese student posted a message at college saying she wanted a boyfriend, they came in their droves.

Instead of looking down from her balcony on a romantic scene as her potential suitor waited below, Zhang Mengqian was confronted with a huge mob

Hello boys: Crowd of men went to Chinese student Zhang Mengqian's dorm building after she posted a message about wanting a boyfriend

Single: College student Zhang Mengqian

Thousands of bachelors descended on the campus of University of Electronic Science and Technology in Chengdu, Sichuan Province, after she put her plea on a message board.

The gathering came after the university, which has a ration of 25 male students to every female, declared a 'girls' day'.

Each female student was handed a blank card and told to write their wish on it.

All the cards were then posted on a 'wish wall'.

Zhang wrote: 'My name is Zhang Mengqian, a grade one student, and I think I am attractive, but strangely I can't find a boyfriend. However I believe in destiny.

'If you have the same wish, please come under my dormitory building and shout for my name between 12:30 and 12:50 on March 11, 2010 and I will observe you secretly up on the building.'

She added: 'If you're my type, I'll come down to meet you.'

Word soon spread and by noon of March 11, swarms of male students were outside the dormitory building.

But only a few completed the second part of the task - to shout out her name.

Perhaps unsurprisingly given the huge crowd, Zhang did not descend from her room

Thursday, March 11, 2010

JOKES - Rich and the poor



JOKES - Made in Japan

Once a Japanese tourist came to visit Malaysia. After a few days of touring around Malaysia, it was time to return home. He caught a taxi and asked the driver to fetch him to KLIA.

On the way to KLIA, a Toyota overtakes the taxi and disappears very quickly.

The Japanse remarks : Toyota! Made in Japan! Very Fast!

Soon, a Nissan zoomed pass the car.

Wow! Nissan! Made in Japan! Very Fast! The Japanese said

The Taxi Driver started to get frustrated as he was only driving a cheap Proton Saga.

Then as they were turning into KLIA, a Mitsubishi, again, like the other cars, went zoomed pass the Taxi.

Whoa! Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! Very, very fast! said the Japanese.

They reached the front of the airport. The Japanese takes a look at the Taxi Meter, and is shocked.

Japanese : *Pointing to the Meter* Why so expensive?

Taxi Driver : Taxi Meter! Made in Japan! Very Fast

JOKES - Anatomy Class

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a real dead pig.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor:

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead pig, withdrew it and stuck his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his Students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead pig and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!!!

Moral of the story: Life's Tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.

JOKES - Who's Bubba?

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubb on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise! , I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss ! has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Wor king his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"