A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a four hour operation.
A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown,holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask and says slowly, "That was very nice but listen very, very closely! ARE. MY.TEST.RESULTS.BACK"
Friday, October 30, 2009
JOKES - Wife should angry or not?
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children!
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'
‘If you must,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I notice d that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children!
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'
‘If you must,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I notice d that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
Broadband war - Streamyx vs P1 Wimax who will win?
Ok you guy should be familiar with this P1 advertisement "sudah potong"? LOL this ads is really so great and did affect alot on Streamyx.
Now Streamyx is angry and decide to strike back.
LOL, Streamyx will not lose too. They make some excellent comeback with this ads. Yeah you have to find a good spot to place your modem if you are using wireless. And the main point of this ads is , this uncle 80% look like P1 Wimax CEO Michael Lai
P1 Wimax CEO Michale Lai
Hahahaha Streamyx got some good strategy here to strike back on P1 Wimax
Hmmm Let see now how will P1 Wimax make a comeback.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Lockerz who want to join?
Anyone interested to join? This is a invite-only site. After u register be member u can earn point to redeem prize like PSP, Iphone ,PS3, XBOX, branded handbag and alot alot more. Everyday u login u earn 2 point , you answer their question u earn 2 point. You invite friend u can earn 2 point , after get all this point to redeem prize like below :
HP laptop - 800 pointz
Apple iphone - 800 pointz
PSP Go Black - 675 pointz
Xbox 360 - 675 pointz
PS3 - 625 pointz
Amazon Egift card 300euro - 500 ptz
DSC-W220/P Sony Cybershot - Pink - 500 ptz
and alot alot more ...... . If you interested to join pls email back me and i will invite you. Thanks
gamma2k@hotmail.com
News - Baby born on plane named after AirAsia
Baby born on plane named after AirAsia
SEPANG: The baby boy, who created national headlines when he was born on an AirAsia plane, has been named Asia Liew Ya Hang.
His mother Liew Siaw Hsia said the Chinese name ‘Ya Hang’ means ‘AirAsia’ in Mandarin.
“It’s the best name I can give my son who was the first baby born on the airline’s plane,” she said in a statement yesterday.
The mother and baby are currently at the Putrajaya Hospital.
Asia Liew Ya Hang was safely delivered on board Flight AK 6506 on Oct 21 when the aircraft was about 800m in the air.
The flight from Penang to Kuching was diverted to the low-cost carrier terminal here when Liew went into premature labour.
The airline has presented Liew and the baby free flight tickets for life to celebrate the birth.
SEPANG: The baby boy, who created national headlines when he was born on an AirAsia plane, has been named Asia Liew Ya Hang.
His mother Liew Siaw Hsia said the Chinese name ‘Ya Hang’ means ‘AirAsia’ in Mandarin.
“It’s the best name I can give my son who was the first baby born on the airline’s plane,” she said in a statement yesterday.
The mother and baby are currently at the Putrajaya Hospital.
Asia Liew Ya Hang was safely delivered on board Flight AK 6506 on Oct 21 when the aircraft was about 800m in the air.
The flight from Penang to Kuching was diverted to the low-cost carrier terminal here when Liew went into premature labour.
The airline has presented Liew and the baby free flight tickets for life to celebrate the birth.
NEWS - Property gains tax makes comeback
THE Government has proposed to reimpose real property gains tax (RPGT) for gains arising from property disposal.
Based on the Finance Bill, disposal within two years of acquisition will be taxed 30%; in the third year, it will be 20%; in the fourth year 15%, while disposal within five years and beyond will still be subject to 5% tax.
The latest measure, which will come into effect in January next year, has been described as “a knock-out punch” by Deloitte Malaysia country tax leader, Ronnie Lim.
“It was merely four short sentences in the 2010 Budget speech. However, that short reference to RPGT carried a knock-out punch,” Lim said in a statement yesterday.
He pointed out that from the speech itself, many would have thought that a low rate of tax of 5% would apply to most gains arising from disposals of real property.
“Be prepared for a shock – this is not the case and the highest rate of RPGT will be 30%,” he said.
Most rates of RPGT from January 2010 will be restored to those prevailing immediately before its suspension in April 2007.
Lim said one notable difference was that the exemption from tax for disposals after the fifth year of acquisition has been removed.
“Even where a property was purchased over 20 years ago, a gain on disposal from 2010 will attract 5% RPGT (without any indexation of acquisition price to reflect current purchasing power of the ringgit),” he said, adding that a flurry of property transactions could be expected soon.
Concurring with Lim, OCBC Bank Bhd director and chief executive officer Jeffrey Chew described the measure as a counter-productive move in efforts to encourage property investments among local and foreign investors, particularly to attract real estate investment trust investors.
“Furthermore, this would make Malaysia’s property market less attractive compared to other neighbouring countries in the region despite our property prices being among the lowest in the region,” Chew said.
However, Khong & Jaafar Sdn Bhd managing director Elvin Fernandez gave the thumbs up to the RPGT, saying “it shows that Malaysia, like other Asian countries, is not for unfettered speculation.”
“The RPGT is an anti-speculative tool, not a revenue earner for Government coffers,” he added.
To promote home ownership and enhance the people’s quality of life, the Government has also proposed a scheme to allow Employees Provident Fund (EPF) contributors to utilise their current and future savings in Account 2 for home purchase.
Meanwhile, to encourage green technology in the property sector, building owners obtaining Green Building Index (GBI) Certificates from Oct 24 until Dec 31 will be given income tax exemption equivalent to the additional capital expenditure in obtaining such certificates.
Those purchasing buildings with GBI certificates from developers will be given stamp duty exemption on instruments of transfer of ownership.
The exemption amount is equivalent to the additional cost incurred in obtaining the GBI certificates. This exemption is given to buyers who execute the sale and purchase agreement from Oct 24 until Dec 31, 2014.
And to promote rehabilitation of abandoned housing projects, the Government will consider extending appropriate financial assistance to rehabilitate low and medium-cost houses based on the existing project list.
An allocation of RM200mil will be provided under the housing and local government ministry.
Under the Government’s initiative to provide housing facilities for the low and middle-income groups, the National Housing Department will provide 74,000 low-cost houses to be rented in 2010.
Based on the Finance Bill, disposal within two years of acquisition will be taxed 30%; in the third year, it will be 20%; in the fourth year 15%, while disposal within five years and beyond will still be subject to 5% tax.
The latest measure, which will come into effect in January next year, has been described as “a knock-out punch” by Deloitte Malaysia country tax leader, Ronnie Lim.
“It was merely four short sentences in the 2010 Budget speech. However, that short reference to RPGT carried a knock-out punch,” Lim said in a statement yesterday.
He pointed out that from the speech itself, many would have thought that a low rate of tax of 5% would apply to most gains arising from disposals of real property.
“Be prepared for a shock – this is not the case and the highest rate of RPGT will be 30%,” he said.
Most rates of RPGT from January 2010 will be restored to those prevailing immediately before its suspension in April 2007.
Lim said one notable difference was that the exemption from tax for disposals after the fifth year of acquisition has been removed.
“Even where a property was purchased over 20 years ago, a gain on disposal from 2010 will attract 5% RPGT (without any indexation of acquisition price to reflect current purchasing power of the ringgit),” he said, adding that a flurry of property transactions could be expected soon.
Concurring with Lim, OCBC Bank Bhd director and chief executive officer Jeffrey Chew described the measure as a counter-productive move in efforts to encourage property investments among local and foreign investors, particularly to attract real estate investment trust investors.
“Furthermore, this would make Malaysia’s property market less attractive compared to other neighbouring countries in the region despite our property prices being among the lowest in the region,” Chew said.
However, Khong & Jaafar Sdn Bhd managing director Elvin Fernandez gave the thumbs up to the RPGT, saying “it shows that Malaysia, like other Asian countries, is not for unfettered speculation.”
“The RPGT is an anti-speculative tool, not a revenue earner for Government coffers,” he added.
To promote home ownership and enhance the people’s quality of life, the Government has also proposed a scheme to allow Employees Provident Fund (EPF) contributors to utilise their current and future savings in Account 2 for home purchase.
Meanwhile, to encourage green technology in the property sector, building owners obtaining Green Building Index (GBI) Certificates from Oct 24 until Dec 31 will be given income tax exemption equivalent to the additional capital expenditure in obtaining such certificates.
Those purchasing buildings with GBI certificates from developers will be given stamp duty exemption on instruments of transfer of ownership.
The exemption amount is equivalent to the additional cost incurred in obtaining the GBI certificates. This exemption is given to buyers who execute the sale and purchase agreement from Oct 24 until Dec 31, 2014.
And to promote rehabilitation of abandoned housing projects, the Government will consider extending appropriate financial assistance to rehabilitate low and medium-cost houses based on the existing project list.
An allocation of RM200mil will be provided under the housing and local government ministry.
Under the Government’s initiative to provide housing facilities for the low and middle-income groups, the National Housing Department will provide 74,000 low-cost houses to be rented in 2010.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)